My Lowest Point in Life & How I Got Through
The lowest point in my life was a mental breakdown I had almost 2 years ago. In those moments I felt stuck in life, like I wasn’t worthy to experience happiness and joy, like I was alone in a world full of people who did not care or even see how I was suffering. This was my lowest point in life and I am here to share how I got through the darkness and was able to find the light once again.
I experienced this journey in 4 phases and that’s how I will share it with you:
RELEASE, REBIRTH, ACTION, CELEBRATION
RELEASE
The initial phase was probably the hardest and I struggled the most internally through this stage.
This included the moment of truly understanding and recognizing what I was going through and deciding that I needed to find a way out.
Those feelings of being stuck can be mind-numbing because you are unable to see any exit doors, your mind isn’t working properly and won’t help you to see the light.
In these moments the only thing that I could see clearly was the trust I had in my mom, and knowing that she would support and help me in any way she could.
So, I got on the phone with her and she listened to me crying, she listened to my pain, she heard my heart breaking, she sensed the trauma I was experiencing.
What helped me most in this moment was just knowing she was there (not physically because I live over 3,000km away, but emotionally and mentally she was there). She held space for me to just be, she offered solutions, but she did not discredit anything that I was feeling.
By the end of our 3+ hour conversation we came up with a solution, which was to leave.
Leave the environment I was working in, leave the people I had once considered family, leave the town I had called home for the last 5 years and leave the person I had become.
As I said this was the hardest stage because of fear and worry.
I feared what people would say about me. I worried about how I would impact the lives of other people because of my decision. I held guilt for a long time because of these fears and worries.
But in the end, I knew those fears and worries did not even come close to feelings I experienced in the toxic environment that led to my mental breakdown.
I knew I needed to release it all in order to break free from my breakdown.
I chose to move forward. I chose to become unstuck. I chose to live my life for me and nobody else.
Through this stage I left the job that had become my life for the previous 5 years and in order to move forward I moved to a new town and planned to crash at my cousins house for the next 30 days. This leads me to…
REBIRTH
While the release phase lasted 2 weeks, the rebirth phase lasted 12 months.
After I moved in with my cousins I realized I had no plans for my future and no plans for my present.
I needed to figure out who I was, who I wanted to be, how I wanted to live, what I wanted to strive for, and where I was going to go.
Starting over is daunting. It can be scary. We build up so many fears around the unknown and we begin to avoid change at all costs.
Meanwhile, I chose to dive in head first.
My rebirth consisted of a lot of alone time, reflection, connecting to a supportive and loving community, an adventure in search of peace and joy and the beginning of the rest of my life.
In the first 30 days I allowed myself to spend time with my cousins, connect to family, and find joy in the little moments of life.
Afterwards I spent 3 months traveling southern USA with my parents and 2 dogs at the time.
I am so grateful to have not needed to jump right into the next job and the next town and the next life.
These 3 months really allowed me to reflect on what I need most in life. I was able to relearn how to create my own joy and peace on a daily basis.
I reconnected to the beauty of nature and I allowed it to help heal my emotional, mental and spiritual wounds.
This rebirth required a lot of work in disconnecting from old habitual ways that no longer served me.
The next 6 months I spent time reconnecting to old friends, friendships that I had put on the back burner in my previous life. These friendships are a huge part in how I was able to move forward. These people helped to remind me of my true self, who I had always wanted to be. These relationships gave me the strength to release that old version of me and the support I received helped to remind me what a real friendship feels like.
After connecting back to the version of myself that I wanted to be, and reminding myself how to grow and become better, I was able to go out on my own once again.
I know that I had the support from my family and my friends no matter the distance between us and I was ready to take on the next adventure that life would bring me.
I moved to a new province and new town to start a new job.
It was here that I relearned what a healthy work environment felt like.
At this new job I was able to learn about work/life balance and how important it is in life.
After 4 months at this new job in this new town I started to feel a pull.
This pull was telling me that I was meant for greatness and a new path was where I needed to be lead. But I didn’t know what this path was, and so all I could do was trust.
I went back to my home province for a month to strengthen my connection with my friendships (the ones that matter) and catch up with all my family.
It was here that I received a message.
After a year of rebirth, this message was my call to action.
ACTION
This message I received was a post on facebook for a mentorship program offered by my old Homeopathic doctor from high school.
I did not have the funds for this mentorship, but I had such a strong feeling that it was meant for me.
After having a phone conversation regarding payment I was officially signed up for this 3 month Sacred Medicine Mentorship and I was so excited for my future.
I knew this was a call from the universe for the direction I was supposed to head.
So began the building of my business.
The next 9 months I would spend learning, digging in to my medicine, realigning myself, sharing my truth, and showing up authentically.
I created and continue to create my business centred around how I healed through my trauma, the strategies that got me through mentally and emotionally, and the spiritual traditions I learned from my mentor in that 3 month program.
Everyday I showed up and decided what my intentions were to move forward that day. I sat in my dreams & desires and thought about how I could bring them to life. I continued to heal from my past and learn from the lessons, which allowed me to grow along my journey.
Through this stage I had moved forward infinitely, but for some reason I still held on to guilt from my past. This was holding me back. Even though I had done so much healing and growth I still had some resentment, and I felt guilty for how my story may have affected other people involved.
8 months after I launched my business I was brought back in time to that moment of being stuck. A situation came to light that brought all of my emotions forward from that mental breakdown.
All of my fears and worries came back.
I had to relive the lowest point in my life all over again.
The pain. The suffering. The hurt.
I couldn’t understand why.
I didn’t know how I would make it through again.
All the hurt, all the pain, all the suffering felt even worse than the first time.
The universe knew that I was still holding that guilt for how I may have affected others. The universe brought it all forward again because I needed to release that guilt.
I was hiding myself for fear of causing more pain to the others involved.
I was trying to protect them.
I never shared my full story, for fear it would get back to them and cause more hurt, more pain, more suffering.
So instead, I was holding on to that pain, the suffering, the hurt, deep within me.
It was time to let go.
It was time to share my story and release all of the guilt I once held.
That’s exactly what I did.
I shared my story, not to hurt the others, but to share my side, how I was hurt, how I was suffering and the pain I had experienced.
Because of this situation bringing it all forward once again I was finally able to move into the next stage.
CELEBRATION
Now I can proudly say that I look back on my past and I honour it.
I honour my story and all that I went through because it got me to here.
Those experiences, that mental breakdown, the situation that brought it all forward again has taught me how to be a better person.
I have learnt how to create boundaries to protect myself.
I have discovered that I am strong enough to get through anything.
But even with my strength, I know when to ask for help and I know who I can lean on for support.
I have remembered what self love is and why it is so important.
I reminded myself to find things each day to be grateful for in order to receive more gratitude in life.
Through all of this I was able to connect to my authentic self and redirect myself on the right path for me.
I know what is worth my time and what is not. I know who is worth my time and who is not.
I celebrate who I am today because of the moments I have experienced in my past.
I celebrate how far I’ve come in life and the direction I am heading.
I celebrate my strength and my passion for life.
I celebrate my kindness and my willingness to help others.
I celebrate my ability to be sympathetic and to listen to another person’s story just to listen and hold space for them.
I celebrate my ability to share my story, for it has shaped me into who I am today.
I celebrate me.
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