Negative Emotions = A Burden?! It’s Time to Change Our Mindset
PAST BELIEFS
I have always been an extremely positive person, it’s something I’ve worked hard to continue to share with others. My Positivity!
But it’s interesting, because when I look back on my past if I ever experienced a moment where I was NOT positive I would get all the comments, “What’s wrong with you?”, “Why aren’t you acting normal?”, “Where is the positive Sydney that we know?”.
These comments lead me to believe that I wasn’t allowed to be anything but positive. They made me think that any negative emotion or thought I experienced was a BURDEN.
This belief didn’t just affect they way I behaved around other people, but it started to affect the way I behaved around myself. That’s right, if I felt negative I tried to do whatever I could to bring back the positivity.
PREACHER OF POSITIVITY
Now you might be thinking, but you always preach being positive and finding the positive in each day. Yes, I do believe we need to lean into the positive of each day, discover what we are grateful for, and connect back to peace and joy regularly.
BUT, what I didn’t realize back then, that I do now, is that finding the positive in each day is good, but it should never OUTWEIGH processing the negative.
You see, in my past if I felt negative or had a negative thought I tried my best to push it to the side in order to step back into my positive self.
This entire belief system stemmed from thinking I was a burden on other people if I shared my negativity. I was a burden to myself if I tried to process my negativity. So I chose not to share that side of me. I chose to hide the negativity.
What were the results of this?
Well, people started to belief that my life was amazing. Now don’t get me wrong, my life was amazing (it still is amazing) because I work hard to make it that way. But, deep down I still had insecurities, I had fears, doubts, anger, frustration, resentment, bitterness, bad days, and negative thoughts.
NEGATIVITY AS A BURDEN
Now, because I pushed it all to the side, I tried to bury the difficulties, the challenges, the sadness, the guilt and fear, one day it all came back up and bit me in the ass. For those of you who know me and know my story understand that this resulted in my mental breakdown.
Now some of you might be thinking, “you always say that, you always bring that up”, and yes I do, because it’s MY STORY. This one moment flipped my entire world upside down. This seemingly awful point in my life woke me up, it’s as if the Universe was saying “YOU CAN’T GO ON LIKE THIS ANYMORE!”
So here’s the question, is negativity a burden?
My answer…. HELL NO! (pardon my vocabulary)
Negativity is a teacher.
Negativity is a guidepost.
Negativity can be the light in a dark time.
WHAT?!?! The light in a dark time?! Are you crazy?!
I believe that we can learn something from every single moment we experience life. There is that old saying “You learn something new everyday” and I truly believe this. BUT, only if you are open to seeing the lesson, only if you are open to processing your experience.
That’s where negativity as our teacher comes in.
When we choose to understand our negativity we open ourselves up to learning about ourselves on a deeper level. For instance, why did that situation make you sad? Where is your frustration coming from? Do you resent that person, or do you resent yourself for not holding higher standards for yourself? Are you frustrated because you didn’t have boundaries to protect yourself? Why are you so afraid and where is this fear coming from?
We began to believe negativity is a burden because at some point in the past someone decided that if you show negative emotions then you are weak. Someone said “you didn’t experience the challenges I went through, you have it easy, so buck up and stop complaining”. We were shamed for sharing our negative emotions, and so it was bred into us through generations that you don’t share your negativity because it burdens the people around you. You keep it to yourself and go on about your life.
BUT THIS IS WRONG!
Now I am not saying that we completely flip this idea and we share our negativity with every single person. I am saying that we were never taught how to PROCESS our negative emotions because through generations we were told to keep it to yourself.
Well, as a child you don’t understand the extent of that so you begin to bury it, brush it under the rug because you don’t want to burden anyone with it.
PROCESS TO LEARN & GROW
Negativity can be a guidepost for us to learn about ourselves, and grow through difficult situations. We need to change our mindset from one of ‘this is a burden’ to one of ‘how can I allow this to help me grow and be better’.
I think one of the hardest parts of negativity is that it can be all encompassing, especially for those of us that experience anxiety. So have a support system. Find someone in your life that can help you through that moment. This person needs to know your boundaries and needs to know your needs in that moment. For instance, when I am struggling I do not need someone to tell me “Life is beautiful, so shape up and see that beauty that surrounds you”, instead I need someone who simply says “I see you, I hear you, I support you through this. Take a deep breath and try to see the light.”
Once we can find our way out of the initial darkness we can then move into the phase of processing. Typically in the past this is when we would brush it under the rug and move forward to positivity, but I am saying not yet!
How do we process?
Put a name to what it was you were feeling…
Anger
Resentment
Sadness
Stress
Frustration
Fear
Once you have discovered what it is you were feeling the next step is what brought this emotion forward. Was it a specific person? Was it a situation? Learning the cause behind the emotion is what will help you to move forward so in future you can either avoid it coming forward again, or you are better prepared in knowing how to move through the experience.
Sometimes the cause goes deeper than just the moment you experienced. Sometimes there is trauma that is clinging to your from your past and opening up to learning this can help you in the healing process. This trauma can be passed down generationally, so it might not have even been something you experienced it could have been passed on to you from you ancestors. It may even be a belief system or characteristics that were passed on generationally.
The whole idea of this processing phase is that you are opening yourself up to learning where the healing needs to take place. You are opening yourself up to growing in order to live the best life for you.
BACK IN TIME
Looking back on my experience, where I pushed all the negativity aside until it eventually came rushing back in the form of a breakdown, I experienced a lot of hurt, both mentally and spiritually. It took me a long time to learn the lessons through processing. It took me a long time just to get to the point of being ready to process, so it doesn’t always happen immediately.
What did I learn from it all?
I learnt that I was avoiding the truth.
By brushing my negative emotions and thoughts under the rug I was avoiding my true feelings. Deep down I didn’t want to admit to them because I had commitments I wanted to see myself through, I had relationships that I didn’t want to break, I had a life that I didn’t want to lose. But in the end that life wasn’t for me because I wasn’t living for me.
I believe all those negative emotions and thoughts that I was hiding from, that I thought were a burden to my life, they were actual guideposts, they were actually trying to show me the light. If I had of listened from the beginning and processed those emotions I would’ve seen the changes I need to make, but instead I avoided the “burden”.
So yes, in the end my life completely changed, in the moment I thought it was all over, I wondered how I would go on, but in the end I am still here today, finding the positivity in my life and learning from the negativity I experience.
Now I know, my negative emotions and thoughts are NOT A BURDEN! They are simply here to help me learn. To help me grow. To help me to become better.
I am here telling you that your negative emotions or thoughts are NOT A BURDEN! You are not a burden for having negative emotions or thoughts. You can connect back to positivity and life will go on, but be open to learning, be open to processing and be open to changing in order to grow and become the best version of you!
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