Healing the Guilt of a People Pleaser
All over the world people pleaser’s are waking to see that their people pleasing tendencies aren’t healthy or supportive. As a people pleaser you have a kind and compassionate heart, and you need to learn boundaries with your giving nature. People pleasing behavior comes from a fear based state which is rooted in guilt. Healing your people pleasing behaviours will allow you to live with more peace and purpose, so you can thrive in life.
As a Spiritual Mentor and Intuitive Guide I’ve been on my own healing journey of learning my people pleasing tendencies so I can be free of guilt, shame, and self-judgment. In my own personal growth and the spiritual mentoring I support my clients through I focus on emotional healing, inner child work, mindset shifts, and aligning with your soul purpose. All of this work allows us to shift from surviving to thriving, which is where we all desire to be in life.
Healing the guilt of being a people pleaser is an important lesson you need to guide yourself through in order to follow your passion and purpose as a light-being. When you live from a place of guilt you are blocking the light, compassion and kindness that is innately within you. Being able to heal this pattern of guilt and release the energetic attachment to your people pleasing tendencies will allow you to live with peace of mind, self-love, and the freedom to follow your heart and soul.
In this blog I will share the two most common patterns of guilt you may experience as a people pleaser, how healing these patterns will support you and a few tips to guide you through the healing process.
#1 Guilt of a People Pleaser
You feel guilty for someone else’s emotional reaction - whether it’s because of you or not.
You are most likely an empath if you are here, which means you feel and understand the emotions of the people around you. From a young age you didn’t know what this meant, and so you took on the anger, frustration, stress, and sadness of those around you.
Over time you began to identify with the emotional reaction of someone else, which led you into people pleasing tendencies. From a young age you wanted the people around you to be happy, reach their dreams, and feel peaceful. So you took it upon yourself to do everything in your power to help others achieve happiness.
This created a patterned response within you that if someone else has a negative emotional reaction your own emotional reaction is of guilt. You have been led to believe that it is your fault if someone has a negative emotional reaction to something, whether you were involved in the situation or not.
Logically we can sit here and discuss how actually, you are not at fault when someone has a heavy emotional reaction and you can see the logic behind this. However, knowing something logically doesn’t shift the patterned response.
I’ll share more about how to heal this patterned response later on in the blog.
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Back to the blog - Healing the Guilt of a People Pleaser
#2 Guilt of a People Pleaser
You feel guilty when taking care of yourself - the root cause of emotional pain as a child or a conditioned belief.
This patterned guilt can be related to the first one I shared as well. Finding the root of where this guilt comes from is how you will begin the healing process.
For many of us, we were taught by society that a good person puts others first. We were bred to believe that being “selfish” is bad and only egotistical people are selfish. There is a conditioned belief in your unconscious mind that it’s bad for you to take care of yourself before others. So anytime you fall ill, reach burn out, or feel exhausted from stress, your thought pattern triggers the guilt within for taking care of yourself.
It’s very much an unconscious pattern which leaves you feeling guilty for taking care of yourself. The beautiful thing about you is your gift of having a compassionate and kind heart. The more often you guilt trip yourself, you close off your ability to receive your own compassion and kindness. Why can others receive your gift of compassion and you cannot?
What if you allowed yourself to receive the compassion and kindness that is within you and it energized you, uplifted you, and empowered you to continue supporting others?!
How Healing Will Support You
By taking the time to heal these patterns of guilt you will release the resistant energy that is holding you in a state of survival. You are exhausted, overwhelmed, and tired of the emotional swings you feel. You can see how your thought patterns are heavy as they tear you down with insecurities and self-doubt.
The guilt of being a people pleaser is holding you back from living as the light-being you came here as. You know that you are a Spirit and you are meant to bring more light and love into the world around you.
As long as you continue to carry the pattern of guilt as a people pleaser, you will limit the amount of compassion you can bring into the world.
When you heal these patterns you will not only feel more self-love, you will see that nurturing yourself with compassion and kindness allows you to become the best version of yourself. When you are living as the best version of yourself you are able to bring more compassion and kindness into the world around you.
You don’t need to be a people pleaser to bring light and love into the world.
You don’t need to feel guilty anymore because it’s keeping you small.
Tips to Heal the Guilt of a People Pleaser
I want to share a simple 3 step process that will support you in the journey of healing the guilt you carry as a people pleaser.
Step 1 - Acknowledge the guilt you feel
The guilt comes from your unconscious state of mind as a triggered response, so you need to become conscious of this pattern in order to truly heal it and release it.
Grab your journal and reflect on how this guilt feels for you, what tends to trigger the guilt, and where you think the guilt comes from. The more you journal about this pattern of guilt the more you shift the pattern from an unconscious state into a conscious state.
The beautiful thing about becoming conscious about an old pattern is that in your conscious state you are able to change the pattern. The more awareness you have, the more power you have to shift forward with compassion.
Step 2 - Heal the emotional wounds attached to this pattern
You carry an unconscious pattern with guilt because there is an emotional wound from an experience you had many years ago. Most likely the first time you were triggered to feel guilty happened when you were a child and that is where this pattern originates.
True healing comes from our ability to feel our emotions with grace which allows us to release the energetic attachment to the wound. In a meditation allow yourself to connect with your inner child to learn when the first moment was where you felt this guilt. You will see how you became a people pleaser through this meditation because it will make more sense as to how your life transpired from the unconscious emotional wound of guilt.
Step 3 - Let your Higher Self guide you forwards
Now that you are aware of the unconscious pattern and the emotional wound you want to be able to shift forwards from a state of true compassion. Your Higher Self is the version of you who has lived all timelines and has all the wisdom you could ever need. Often in life you don’t know how to move forward because things seem unknown, yet when you connect with your Higher Self you can more clearly see the next step required to keep moving forward.
Take some time, whether in meditation or in a journaling session, to connect with your Higher Self and ask them how you need to shift forward. You are wanting to create a new pattern of self-compassion rather than of guilt. Ask your Higher Self what new perspective you need to embody, the choices you need to make, and how you can support yourself moving forward.
This simple process will help you to heal the guilt of being a people pleaser which will allow you to live fully from your compassionate and kind heart. In order to heal these unsupportive patterns you need to show up for yourself with more compassion and kindness than ever before. Your healing is how you lead yourself to thrive in life with more peace, purpose and fulfillment.
You can walk this path on your own, for all the answers are within you. Your Spirit will guide you to the right next step to gain the wisdom and clarity you need to keep moving forward.
However, if you are tired of walking the path on your own you can work with a spiritual mentor to receive guidance and support in an easier way.
Working with a spiritual mentor for your healing and growth journey allows you to heal and grow with more ease and grace than ever before.
Right now you have emotional patterns, behavioural patterns and thought patterns that are keeping you stuck in emotional overwhelm and feeling unfulfilled in life.
By working together I will support and guide you to heal these patterns of guilt and fear so you can embody peace, freedom and a strong sense of self.
Take the next step on your healing journey by learning more about my 1:1 mentoring program and fill out an application now to see if you are the right fit!
Until next time, sending love & light on your spiritual journey,
Sydney Smith
Spiritual Mentor
Founder of Adventuring with Poseidon Wellness
