BALANCE - Creating Boundaries
Do you make sure that everyone in your life is happy before yourself? Are you a ‘yes man’ to anything and everything that is asked of you? When do you have time to yourself if you are constantly helping others with their to do lists and their dreams? How do you create forward movement for your life if you are constantly giving to everyone around you?
Boundaries. This is a real thing and it is so important when you are trying to find balance in life.
It took me a long time to learn what boundaries are, how to use them, and why they are so important. My mindset was always, if I am helping someone else then I am happy. In a sense this thought was true, because helping others does make me happy, especially when they really need help. However, eventually I learned that saying yes ALL the time means that you become the “go-to” person for everyone else’s needs. This doesn’t apply to everyone I helped, but for some people they would rather ask me for help than do the job themselves because it was easier, especially in knowing that I would always say yes. So in saying yes all the time, I was not only putting my own dreams and life on the back burner, but to a point I was faulting them in their life because they weren’t doing the work or learning the lessons for themselves.
This all brings me to a point in my life where I finally realized that if I want to follow my dreams and start acting on them, then I need to start putting myself first no matter what others are asking of me. This does not mean that I say no all the time, but it does mean that I say no when something doesn’t align with my dreams, or my authentic self.
So, what are boundaries you ask.
Boundaries are rules or guidelines that you create for your life when it comes to how other people can treat you, what fills you with joy and abundance, what drains you or leaves you exhausted, and what takes your time but doesn’t keep you connected to your authentic self.
The next part of course is, how do you create your boundaries.
The first step, as is in any daily practice when finding balance, is connecting to your authentic self. This means living your life for yourself and no one else, following your passions and what inspires you (read more on authenticity here).
In connecting back to your authentic self you begin to create dreams and desires for your life and you begin to take action towards these. When you are creating your boundaries you need to decide what opportunities help you to move forward towards these dreams, and which favours for other people lead you away from your path, taking your time, money, energy and even your connection to your authentic self. (I know that seems weird that a favour for someone else can affect your connection to your authentic self. But, when you start to help others in their path you can begin to drift away from who you want to be, and you start to become someone more like them. It happens, I know from experience.)
Standing firm in your boundaries.
The first time you say no is always the hardest and it’s because you are breaking a habit that is engrained into your being. You may even find yourself saying “Oh, one more time can’t hurt”, but I am here to remind you that one more time becomes 10 more times; next thing you know you still haven’t created your boundaries and you are still helping others for their greater good, not your own.
The more times you say no to the people and things that are not connected to your authentic self and your dreams the easier it becomes, and the better you become at deciding where your boundaries lie.
Getting started today.
Once you have determined what your ultimate dreams and desires are you can reflect back on every time you have said yes and helped someone in the past. Now ask yourself, were these moments connected to your authentic self and dreams? Did these moments take away your time or energy? Did you gain anything from helping?
Asking yourself these type of questions will help you start to understand when you could’ve said no and when to say no in the future. You will also understand where your boundaries should be and how your life is affected when you do not stand your ground.
Final piece of advice.
Once you start your path towards creating your boundaries and standing your ground you won’t turn back. Even since I starting saying no I have become more connected to myself and what fills me versus what leaves me drained. Making these decisions have been the best thing for me, my life and my dreams. I have more time for the things that I love, I have more energy to spend on myself and my dog and being outdoors, and I am staying connected to my authentic self.
Creating my boundaries and standing my ground has taught me a lot in life, but most importantly it has helped me in my process to find balance mind, body and spirit, keeps me more mindful and creates forward movement towards my dreams!
Good luck in your journey to creating boundaries.
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