The Best Tips to Stop Being a People Pleaser | Spiritual Healing

People pleasing is an unsupportive pattern that stems from the spiritual wound of believing you are not worthy. There is a subconscious belief you carry that fears rejection, judgment, and failure and this fear pressures you into the outdated pattern of placing everyone else’s needs before your own.

As a Spiritual Mentor, Author and Intuitive Guide, I myself have had to heal my people pleasing tendencies in order to uncover my Soul Truths and live in alignment with my soul path. People pleasing comes from the ego-patterns of believing you are not safe in life until you take care of everyone around you. These patterns come from our shadow self and lead us to abandon our own values, boundaries, and opinions in order to place other people before ourselves. This behaviour is rooted in self-doubt and self-judgment.

Some of our people pleasing tendencies are deeply attached to our beliefs, behaviours, and habits and it takes a commitment to yourself in order to heal these unsupportive traits. In this blog I am going to share the best tips to stop being a people pleaser and to start feeling empowered to live your life for you.

Now let’s get something straight, I am not saying your life is meant to be selfish and you must only ever focus on you. I am saying that your tendency to prioritize everyone else over yourself comes from an unhealed wound that you carry. When you learn to heal these wounds you are able to live with harmony in honouring your needs and supporting others in their own journey. Make sure to check out this blog post where I share the negative side-effects of people pleasing.

Tip 1 to stop being a people pleaser

If you are anything like me then your people pleasing tendencies can come from a desire of not wanting to see others in emotional pain.

When someone else is sad, angry, frustrated, annoyed or in some other harsh emotion, as a people pleaser you will step up and do anything you can to support them to reach peace and joy again. Their emotions do not define you, neither do their emotions define them. As people pleasers, our fear tells us that when someone has a harsh emotion it’s our fault. This is a wound that needs to be healed.

Everyone needs to learn how to move through their emotions in a healthy way and everyone needs to learn how to create their own peace and joy in life. You cannot be the one to make everyone around you happy all of the time. By stepping in as a people pleaser in these situations that person then becomes codependent on you in reaching happiness. This is an unhealthy relationship.

The best thing you can do for people is hold space for them when they are in emotional pain. They can learn how to self-heal their emotions and guide themselves to a peaceful and joyous state. Learn about holding space in this blog.

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Tip 2 to stop being a people pleaser

Another wound that creates our people pleasing tendencies is avoiding our own emotions, self-judgment, and fears.

Often as people pleasers we rush to the aid of others because we don’t want to look at the fears, worries, doubts and pains we carry. We believe that when we help other people it will lead us to joy, satisfaction and fulfillment, and maybe it does for a brief moment.

The problem is that your shadow self will never go away if you keep ignoring and avoiding it. Are you denying your own emotions? Are you ignoring your worries and doubts? Are you showing up for everyone else in your life because you don’t want to look at what is happening internally for you?

True fulfillment, serenity and freedom will not come from people pleasing your way through life. The moment you allow yourself to actually see yourself, hear what is going on internally, and better understand your shadow self is how you set yourself free from the monsters within.

Self-healing, self-awareness, and self-love are the next steps to lead you forwards in a healthy way. You are people pleasing your way through life because you believe it will fulfill you, but it won’t. It’s time to start prioritizing your needs, listening to your fears and healing them, and most importantly allowing yourself to feel through the harsh emotions.

Your worthiness does not depend on how you care for others. You are worthy as you are, right now in this moment. But, your wounds and shadow self make you believe you are not worthy. It’s time for spiritual and emotional healing so you can carry self-love and believe in your worthiness.

Tip 3 to stop being a people pleaser

As people pleasers we tend to believe that we will only receive love after we’ve helped everyone else. It becomes this never ending cycle of receiving love and then feeling like we need to do more for that person.

We place our ability to be loved on the fact that we selflessly care for everyone else.

Have you ever received a compliment and quickly turned the tables and given that person a compliment back? Has someone ever showed you love and immediately you felt indebted to them?

People pleasers tend to feel uncomfortable with receiving love, kindness and compassion from others. Our fear and wound has been so deeply embedded within that our subconscious mind tells us we aren’t safe in receiving kindness because quickly we are triggered to give more to the people around us. We don’t feel safe in receiving.

It’s time to start allowing yourself to receive. Start off by receiving love from yourself. Give yourself compliments, tell yourself kind words, acknowledge the good qualities you carry. The more you show yourself love the less uncomfortable it will feel.

These three tips will help you stop being a people pleaser from an unhealthy pattern. We want to give love and support to the people around us, but not because we believe it’s the only way for us to feel worthy.

You deserve to feel at peace, to lead with purpose, and to be filled with love. These three things start with how you show up for yourself. Nobody else is going to create peace for you. Nobody else is going to make you feel like you have purpose in life. You will never be able to receive someone else’s love fully if you can’t receive your own love.

It’s time to learn to please yourself first and then you can support others from a healthy, aligned and empowered state of being.

In order to take the next steps in your spiritual and emotional healing journey to fully embody your Inner Spirit, the Spirit of Earth 1:1 Mentoring Program may be the right fit for you. This is for the being who has been made to feel small and is ready to take up space in a divinely guided way, sharing their soul gifts with the world. Breaking away from the unsupportive people pleasing habits and behaviours is part of your soul healing journey.