Soul Purpose Over Ego Pressure | Soul Healing Journey Entry 2
At the beginning of 2022 I felt like I awakened to a brand new journey. I listened to the message from spirit after asking what the main theme for the next year would be. Spirit so clearly said to me, “leaving pressure and finding purpose”. This is how I would courageously commit to my spiritual journey.
Since I started my business as a Spiritual Mentor I’ve found myself feeling pressured by past conditioning and outdated societal beliefs like never before in my life. I’ve carried a lot of worry that said I wasn’t doing enough or I wasn’t taking action in the right ways. I held onto the fear of judgment believing that other people would never accept my work and how I was choosing to show up in the world. I became overwhelmed by a lot of doubt that said I would never be good enough and I struggled to see how I could help people in the future, even though I already had proof of helping clients in my present & past.
These were the shadow self aspects that I had to work through. The majority of my soul healing lately has been about how I show up in business and creating harmony between my responsibilities and my carefree desires. Learning to honour my divine masculine in a healthy way and trusting my divine feminine as the intuitive wisdom I receive.
Sitting by the river connecting to Spirit and remembering the Soul Truth of flow. The river speaks to me and I patiently listen and trust the message.
A few days ago I sat in my morning meditation, as I do every morning, and the message came in loud and clear…
“We only learn lessons when we are willing to feel into the resistance. These lessons become Soul Wisdom when we embody the truth and stay committed to the knowledge.”
In meditation I could see the lessons from the past three years. The moment I started my business I shifted from the carefree innocence of a child into the responsible adult. This shift triggered the conditioned beliefs and societal programming that was unsupportive for my growth and the growth of my business. I’ve been learning the Universal lessons in order to break free from the outdated patterns. I’m now embodying carefree innocence as I carry my Soul Truths with commitment.
A couple of weeks ago I channeled a beautiful message while journaling and it relates to the growth I am moving through right now, and it’s connected to my yearly theme of leaving pressure and finding purpose. I will share this message with you now, in hopes it awakens a Soul Truth within you.
Journal Entry Written on Tuesday, March 15th 2022
I choose to ground myself in this moment. Taking a deep breath and connecting back into my body as my eyes close. I feel the earth below my feet as if I were standing barefooted on the forest floor. I sense Mother Earth’s healing medicine traveling up the soles of my feet into my legs and through my body. With each deep inhale Mother Earth’s grounding medicine travels further into my body. With each exhale I acknowledge my thoughts that have been on the edge of tumbling into fears and worries.
I recognize my energy more easily than ever before. I can sense when my shadow self is slowly drifting up and preparing its jump to take control of the ship. My light wants to trust. My light knows to hold faith because my Higher Self speaks through my light. She reminds me where she’s been and that indeed everything is working out to lead me forwards.
There are two competing energies trying to gain control in a moment when I feel directionless. My old tendencies, to let the shadow take over and spiral into the quicksand of worry, doubt and fear. I’ve been comfortable in these old spaces, they welcome me like a dear friend because I’ve spent time crawling through the depths of each crevasse.
I’ve learned a lot through the phases of holding onto my shadow self, but the main takeaway from all those years of feeling lost in darkness is how uncomfortable this comfort zone has become. I can see that I don’t like it here, in the darkness, any more. I thought it was my home for the longest time and that I must find comfort in these low lying spaces.
The moment I got a glimpse of the fulfilling spaces filled with light I began to experience a peacefulness like never before. These small seemingly insignificant moments where the light guided me forwards were the moments that expanded me, like I knew deep within was necessary for my existence. It was inevitable.
The Universe kept sending me these small moments to be witness to the fact that the shadow didn’t need to be my comfort zone, there was something better waiting for me. I always thought my emotions would be my demise, until the slight breeze of serenity lifted my wings and I saw the world from a new set of eyes.
I was stuck in the mud for so long that my perspective had become foggy. As I am lifted higher, far above a sightline I once held onto, clarity washes the scene anew and everything is brighter than I could’ve ever imagined possible.
My Higher Self guides me into the light I’ve always carried, and she shows me a shortcut to the inner workings of my Spirit. She wants me to know how I can create a new comfort zone that leads from the light that was being drowned in my shadows. She says that I am both, shadow and light, and for too long I had been allowing the shadow to win all of the battles.
Now I am beginning to recognize that it’s not a war within me, it’s an understanding, an awareness, an awakening to who I truly am. One doesn’t beat out the other. Instead I get to honour both parts for I am the whole that looks within and sees the truth.
I hold grace in my shadows, allowing myself to rest and recharge, knowing the light will guide me forwards to experiences of fulfillment and serenity. Fulfillment comes from the moments where purpose supports me in action. Serenity comes from the times where peace guides me with patience.
I may not know where I am going, how I will get there, or when it will all happen, but as my Higher Self reminds me, it’s not about the destination, it’s truly about how I choose to move along the journey. Rather than hold onto the shadow and step forward in darkness, I am allowing the light to illuminate each step so I can fully embrace the experience of living.
In the moments I forget, or get tired, I ground myself into Mother Earth to unveil my own wisdom, the Soul Truths rooted in harmonizing my shadow and light. I am creating a new comfort zone, and even though it’s uncomfortable, I know it leads me forward to experiences of fulfillment and serenity.
This is how I journey forwards. This is how I see myself fully. I am grounded in the present and seeing clearly into the future.
*****
Spiritual and emotional healing happens in many different forms as our shadow self is not something to be ashamed of, instead it’s something we need to learn to love. I am learning that this is the process of leaving pressure and finding purpose. It’s a lesson I am committed to embodying and some days I may fall off track, but I always find awareness once again and move forward by connecting with my Soul Truths and the strength of Spirit.
Until next time, sending love & light on your spiritual journey,
Sydney Smith
Founder of Adventuring with Poseidon Wellness
