Healing Your Inner Child in Your Relationships
When you are in the beginning phases of a new relationship your old fears and wounds can be triggered, leaving you to self-sabotage, avoid red flags, or even run from the first sign of difficulty. When you are years into a relationship you can still be searching for a feeling of stability and security, yet your emotions have become chaotic highs and lows leaving you feeling unsafe and unsupported.
How can you feel grounded, aligned and empowered inside your relationships? The secret is that it’s not about the other person, it’s about learning how to comfort your own inner child.
As a Spiritual Mentor and Intuitive Guide my mission is to support empaths, highly sensitive beings and intuitive beings better understand their emotions, heal old outdated patterns, and step into their most empowered self. Through the spiritual practices of energy healing, meditation, and self reflection through journaling you can gain clarity and direction for your life, allowing you to enjoy peace, freedom and fulfillment.
This blog will share tips on healing your inner child in your relationships and why you become triggered in your relationships.
**Disclaimer - the wisdom provided in this article is generalized towards relationships. It’s important to note that if you are experiencing abuse in your relationships in any way to seek support and help.
Why Are You Triggered In Your Relationships
There are a few different reasons why you become triggered, but the root cause of being triggered is that you are here on this earth to evolve. The Universe clearly shows us time and time again where we carry resistant energy or low vibrational energy in our shadows and how we are being called to heal these aspects of ourselves.
The goal that all of our souls have is to be free in this world. Your triggers are showing you where you are not free. This could mean you have an attachment to a certain outcome that is limiting your expansion. It could mean that you have a wound from a previous relationship or situation that is causing you to keep yourself small in order to not be hurt again. It could also mean that you are closing yourself off from being vulnerable and sharing your true authentic self for fear of rejection, judgment or abandonment.
No matter the trigger you are experiencing in your relationship, your partner or loved one is not purposely trying to trigger you. Their action, words or non-action is energetically creating a cause and effect within you that triggers your egoic mind, resulting in an influx of emotions.
Sometimes the emotional reaction you experience is a projection from your partner’s experience and sometimes it’s your own reaction based on old patterns of fear or wounds.
Let’s look at an example.
You are wanting to connect deeper with your partner or loved one and so you open up a conversation to share vulnerably. Your partner has had a long and stressful day at work and their energy is not in the right place to partake in this type of conversation. When you pose a question to them they become defensive, angry, or dismissive and walk away.
In this instance you are immediately triggered into feeling not enough, and your fear of rejection or abandonment takes over your thoughts. You either lash out at your partner or you hide away to not show your emotional reaction. This situation causes more strife and disconnection between you and your partner.
In a moment where you wanted to create connection the result was more disconnection, causing your fears of being disconnected to become triggered leaving you in a state of feeling unworthy of connection.
How can you solve this?
This moment is not about your partner shutting you down in a moment where you desired connection. Instead it’s a moment to see that you have needs and your partner has needs. Learning to comfort yourself and allowing your partner to comfort themself after a long day of work can help place both of you in a ready position for connection.
I’m not saying that your partner's actions or way of addressing the moment was correct, the message the Universe is wanting to share is a reminder that you both are figuring out how to move through life alongside each other. This means that sometimes you need to slow down, check in with your energetic state, and find common ground together.
If you were to address your partner by saying, “it’s been awhile since I feel like we’ve connected in a deep way and I’d like to get back to supporting one another more. I know you spent a long day at work, so if you aren’t feeling up to it now maybe we can set aside time later this week that works for both of us. How does that feel for you?” This type of conversation is intentional, open and inviting, allowing your partner to hear where you are coming from and then also giving space for your partner to share openly.
This is a small example of how you may feel triggered in your relationship and how you can shift the way to connection. I encourage you to reflect on these three journal prompts to better understand your own relationship.
1 - Where do I feel most triggered in my relationship?
2 - What are the fears or wounds connected to this trigger?
3 - How can I express myself calmly to my partner, while also giving space for their energy/emotions?
KEEP READING TO LEARN HOW TO HEAL YOUR INNER CHILD IN YOUR RELATIONSHIPS…
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Back to the blog - Healing Your Inner Child in Your Relationships
Healing Your Inner Child in Your Relationships
You need to notice when you feel triggered in your relationships in order to create healing, shift the patterns and no longer become triggered in that way.
Your triggers are not because of someone else, instead they are because there is an energetic wound or fear within you telling your egoic mind this situation is not safe for you. In the moments of becoming triggered your nervous system becomes dysregulated and your emotional reaction stems from the thought pattern of not feeling safe.
Now, on the surface you may say, “but I am safe, and the trigger has nothing to do with not feeling safe”; your safety being challenged is at the root of the trigger, not the surface level. In healing energetically we must be willing to always go deeper than the surface, otherwise we are never actually healing the root cause of the problem.
This is when I call in energetic healing of the inner child for all of my clients, and for myself. The majority of our triggers, in regards to our relationships, stem from childhood. Whether that be how we witnessed our parents interact, how we interacted with our siblings, or any number of experiences we may have had at a young age that would’ve left a lasting impact on our nervous system.
To break it down simply, you experienced something at a young age that left you feeling unworthy, not enough, unsafe, and dysregulated.
When you are ready to start strengthening your relationship with your partner or loved one, you must be willing to begin healing your inner child. Here are a few steps that can guide you in the process.
1 - Acknowledge You Feel Triggered
First you have to be willing to admit that you feel triggered, as without this step you cannot consciously move into a state of healing.
This step is not about needing to know exactly what triggered you and why. Instead it’s a simple acknowledgement that your emotions feel heightened, your thoughts are circling ferociously through negative patterns, or you are wanting to numb, ignore and run away.
2 - Find a Safe Space to Sit with Your Inner Child
You may not be able to practice this step immediately, but as soon as you can it’s important to get yourself into a space where you feel safe and comforted. For myself it’s always my bedroom, sitting on some pillows with a blanket wrapped around me. For some of my clients they will head into their car, drive to a quiet parking lot and take time for themself. You will know where your safe sanctuary is when you need it.
3 - Hold Space for Your Inner Child
Once you are in a safe and sacred space, you will close your eyes and visualize a younger version of you sitting with you. Take as many deep breaths as you need to be able to calm your nervous system and visualize your inner child. This takes practice and the first few times may feel uncomfortable and challenging for you.
This younger version of you is terrified and it’s up to you to comfort them. You can pull them in for a hug if that feels right, ask them how they feel, tell them they are safe with you, encourage them to share their emotions.
The practice of holding space for your inner child is about letting yourself feel all the emotions that have come forward from being triggered. You are practicing comforting yourself, supporting yourself, and guiding yourself back to a regulated nervous system.
4 - Why Does Your Inner Child Feel Triggered?
The final step for healing your inner child is getting to the root of the issue. Now, this can come easily to some people, especially if you’ve been on a self-healing journey for a while, whereas for others it can be more challenging.
You may not receive the clarity immediately, as sometimes your Divine Team and the Universe will provide clarity later on in a way that you can more easily receive the guidance.
This step can be done in meditation or with your journal in front of you, you’ll find which practices work best for you. The key is to ask your inner child to show you where the wound or fear resides within your body. Next you can ask to be reminded of the first time in your life when that wound was created or the fear was first triggered.
You may remember a moment in your life that was challenging to live through and you can see how it invoked these fears. You may see the patterns of protection you created in order to not let yourself feel those wounds again, numbing you from creating any real connections in your life.
These journal prompts can help you better understand your triggers, and begin healing your inner child.
1 - What is the memory from my childhood that feels triggered at this time?
2 - What is the underlying fear or wound that I am feeling?
3 - How is this fear/wound being triggered in my relationship now?
4 - What do I need to do to offer myself more compassion and healing now?
5 - What is my inner child needing from me in order to feel safe?
Healing your inner child in your relationships is part of your journey in building deeper connections filled with love, support and compassion. The more you learn to heal yourself and understand your own triggers the easier it becomes to create boundaries that support you and create connections that feel aligned and authentic.
Your relationships are a tool for you to better see yourself and understand where you are holding onto resistance, shadows, and limited perceptions of life. Rather than placing blame on someone, you can choose to heal whatever may be weighing on you.
The most important tip that I can share with you is to make sure you have a good support system in your life where you feel safe. Healing is not an easy practice, and if you feel all alone in the process life can become dark and overwhelming. Having friends, family or a professional to help you find the light again is necessary.
I hope this blog has helped you to better understand your relationships, when you feel triggered and how to heal your inner child in your relationships.
If you are desiring more guidance and support in energetic healing, understanding your emotions, and living a more aligned and empowered life then check out my free email community and subscribe today.
Until next time, sending love & light on your spiritual journey,
Sydney Smith
Spiritual Mentor
Founder of Adventuring with Poseidon Wellness
