Self-Isolated to Self-Expressed | Episode 138: Check in with Syd
Understanding your energy, your triggers, and your outdated patterns and beliefs is a great start to living in alignment with your soul truths.
In this episode of the Carrying Connected Conversations podcast, Syd is sharing her latest check in on what she’s learned from 2022 and how she is choosing to guide herself through 2023. Syd speaks on how self-isolating over the past two years has allowed her to gain incredible insight on her energy along with new strategies that support her in staying aligned. Meanwhile, co-host Ang wants to better understand where Syd is coming from when explaining her relationship with her mind versus her Spirit. There is a lot to discover from Syd as she shares her focus for this new cycle and being able to express her true authentic self fully.
Press play to better understand how Syd has shifted from self-isolated into self-expressed and what that means for her journey.
You can continue reading about the conversation Syd & Ang had on the podcast through the transcript below.
Ang: Hello and welcome back to Carrying Connected Conversations. This is Angie chatting at you and I am so excited because this is all about Syd! This is going to be Syd’s episode. Last week was all about me and the things I am moving through, more in recent and past versions of me. This episode is going to be similar but also different, the reason why is because we are two different people. The thing Syd wanted to share is about breakthroughs, teachings and learnings that she has discovered about herself in recent months. I also want to figure out a way how she is going to bring old versions of her into new versions of her, or is she going to be letting those go.
Now let’s check in with Syd and see how she is doing and we will chat about all the things.So Syd, how are you doing today?
Syd: I’m doing really good. I’m excited to chat, I’n excited to reflect and to take a moment and see where I am coming from and where I’m headed. So I am ready to dive in.
Ang: Yes! I love it! Now I gave the listeners a little bit of a preemptive as to what to expect. Now this is your time Syd to correct me if I am wrong. Is there something along those lines that you are thinking yes for sure you want to share something, or is there something else that I didn’t even mention yet that you’d like to chat about in your check in.
Syd: Ya, I think I have gone through a lot of breakthroughs, lessons and takeaways in the past year. I think what is top of my mind that I want to share is how last week in your check in episode you talked about how there was a lot of newness in your life and a lot of new things. I am very much in the energy right now where I can tell I am shifting into a new phase, a new cycle. I don’t know what that looks like fully. I have manifestations, I have desires that I am calling in, but I don’t know how it’s going to turn out. I am very much in this stage of surrendering to the Universe and surrendering to the path of least resistance in how it’s all going to come through. I think my reflection from, looking back on 2022 for me, was really a year where I gathered wisdom. I really slowed down in all aspects of my life and really integrated what I've learned from the previous few years in my healing journey.
I think the biggest thing for me, the biggest takeaway that I want to share is about learning about my energy as an empath. How I am so easily affected by other people's energy. Through a lot of my healing journey, in 2021, 2020, those two years were huge releasing years for me. Anytime I was around other people I felt very triggered. I’ve learned now that it’s not the other person that is triggering me, it’s simply that I have a wound. I have an emotional wound, or a perspective that limits me, and so when I am around certain environments I feel the energy and the energy triggers these wounds to come forward, or these limited perspectives. I found it really hard to be around people. I think you can understand because you know that’s what I’ve gone through in the last few years. I very much hermitted myself and wanted to have space for myself.
Ang: Well you are also trying to figure out yourself in that and get rid of old traits. It makes so much sense why you wanted to spend so much time on your own because new wounds keep coming up when you hang out with people. You are like, “holy crap, let me just get this together, before I start indulging myself”, or until you can create some sort of level of consciousness when this starts happening to get you back into hanging out with people. Keep in mind covid has been in the middle of this all, so it’s been kind of perfect for you.
Syd: Oh totally. 100%. It’s definitely worked out in my favour in a lot of ways. When I first really began my personal growth journey, what really catapulted me on the journey was that I felt like I didn’t know who I was and I didn’t like who I had become. ALl of a sudden what had me moving forwards was the question, “who am I?” and “who do I want to be?”. Through this journey I became triggered in a lot of different instances. I really dived into learning about my energy as an empath, how that affects me as a people pleaser, I started learning about values that I carried that I actually don’t want to be my values. I started to learn traits that were unsupportive. I learned so much about myself, in 2022 because I had done a lot of the healing, the releasing, shedding old layers, shedding old habits, I learned so much about my energy as an empath, that I feel like the majority of 2022 was really about integrating the practices and the strategies that support me most.
I can be myself, be who I want to be, and I can be who I believe I came here to be. I came here as a Spirit to be this version of me. Yes, I am still going to be growing and expanding as this version of me, but I feel so much more confident and grounded and like I have a strong foundation of my values, and how I want to show up in the world. I know how I want to continue to support myself and how I want to serve others. Now, I am moving forward into this space where I can feel that I am ready. I am ready to, not necessarily forget about my hermitness, cause I’ve learned that that is important for me. I need to have time alone to check in with myself, but it doesn’t need to be a long period. Also, I am not triggered around people as much as I used to be because I’ve healed those emotional wounds and I’ve overcome those limiting perspectives.
Ang: If anything, it’s like you’ve really been able to gather all of the tools that you need because you were in this implementation phase in 2022. Now you’ve implemented enough, which is one of my questions. What are some of those strategies that you have implemented? I also want to touch on this hermitness of you because from what I am understanding and hearing, you are a lot more intune with your energy. You were so focused on the present and future version of yourself, who am I and who do I want to become. Whereas in your hermitness, I want to say self-isolating.
Syd: Totally!
Ang: That really is what we mean when we say hermit. I don’t know if we’ve ever explained that word. It really is being on your own, because you thrive being on your own. That is what creates a difference between you and I. You like to be around yourself whereas I like to be around other people's energies. Now you are saying when you are around other people's energies, because you spent so much time thank you to covid, in being in your hermitness, you are now around other people and quickly able to identify when your triggers are showing up. This allows you to show up in a way that is actually authentic to you in, around, other people's energy. Is that what I am hearing?
Syd: 100%
Ang: I love this!
Syd: I have gotten so concrete with what my energy feels like and the energy that I want to be in, that when I am around other people I can easily detect the situations that are going to lead me into an energy that is not mine. So what will I do? I will guard myself, I will protect myself. That is actually one of the strategies that I have implemented. The friends that I am really close to, like you, another best friend of mine and even with my mom, I’ve made it clear that if you have something going on in your life and you need someone to talk to, I’ll be there. But, you have to let me know that you’re about to…
Ang: lay it on you.
Syd: Lay it on me.
Ang: Ya ya ya.
Syd: So you and my other best friend, both of you, especially if we are not together, will text me and say “guard yourself, I’ve got something to share”. That’s a boundary that I have created for myself because I know as an empath it’s easy for me to take on someone else’s energy. If I am not only going to do the work that I want to do, but be the person I want to be, I don’t want to take on your energy. I want to hold space for you. I want to comfort you. I want to create a nurturing environment for you. I want to offer you compassion. If you are in a space where you desire advice I am happy to offer my advice. But I don't need to take on your pain. I can help you transmute that pain into something that feels lighter, by me not taking on the pain.
Ang: I love that. I think that is such an important tool. I am going to use the word tool because it’s very needed in everyday society because I know a lot of listeners are empaths as well. I have been an empath my whole life and I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me when I was feeling great around someone and then all of a sudden I wasn’t feeling great around them. It’s not to say that the people are bringing me down, but you are taking on the energy of the other people. If they are in a negative or heavy emotion, that is a great tool to be encompassed.
In thinking about those tools, I’m going to bring the word that you brought up, strategies. What other strategies do you find that you implement, whether alone or while you are with people, in 2022 that you are going to continue to bring forward in 2023?
Syd: Listening to my energy. Maybe I have become triggered and I didn’t realize I became triggered. Maybe I am in a state where I haven’t pursued something creatively today, or I haven’t pursued a passion of mine today, so my energy is not high vibe, it’s more in a neutral state. Really by listening to my energy, when I am in my own space and I am hermitted, hermitting, I am self-isolating. I love that! Hahah!
Ang: Hahaha!!
Syd: That is seriously such a great way to describe it. I am choosing to isolate myself from the world.
Ang: With me, myself and I.
Syd: Ya, exactly. When I am in my own space, listening to my energy and I ask myself what I need. When I am in the energy of other people, feeling my energy and asking myself what do I need. Not waiting until that moment is over. You and I have spent quite a bit of time together over the last month or so.
Ang: Which I am so grateful for.
Syd: So grateful for it. It’s been amazing. We are in person best friends.
Ang: Like it’s official.
Syd: Did we just become best friends?
Ang: Oh my god! Do you want to do karate in the garage?
Syd: Oh my god hilarious! So I’ll find, especially because in our episode last week it was your check in and we talked about your go go go energy. I don’t have that same energy as you. If I am doing something that I love then I am excited and uplifted.
Ang: Ya because it naturally comes because you love doing what you are doing, so you are going to keep going.
Syd: Exactly. If I am lit up, I’m like lets go. Like on our walk today with the amount of dogs we saw, I was lit up and I was like, “okay let’s freaking go”.
Ang: You were like “there’s another one!” Hahaha!
Syd: Hahaha! I think I said, “awe what a good dog” and my mom said, “Sydney we passed the dog already”. Or was that you.
Ang: No, that was your mom.
Syd: She was like, Sydney the dogs are not around anymore. And I was like I know.
Ang: You were just saying it for yourself because you love dogs. You were just reminding yourself.
Syd: Literally that’s what I said. So when I am in someone else’s energy, especially when you and I are together. You are doing 30 things at once.
Ang: I know. I don’t know how I do it, but I do.
Syd: I think old me could become triggered by that because it could put me in a state where an old version of me would start judging myself. I would say, “Am I doing enough?”
Ang: I was going to say that.
Syd: Right?! It’s the thought process. “Am I doing enough? Have I done enough? What if I’ve been doing the wrong things?” When you are in someone else’s energy and you feel that energy, it’s not that always, for you when you are going and doing 30 things, it’s not that your energy is seeping into me. But it’s my limiting beliefs that are being triggered by your energy.
Ang: It’s also your perception on what I am doing with my energy.
Syd: Yes!
Ang: Because it’s who I am being while I am doing all the things. You don’t know who I am. Well, obviously you do because of our check ins. But truly to the extent of who I am being while I’m doing things you can’t know. Just as I don’t know who you are while you are doing all the things. It makes so much sense why you are questioning yourself, what are you not doing enough of. You are asking questions that are all task focused, not necessarily who you are while you do those tasks. Which is such an easy misjudgment that we do in how we perceive things. So I love that you brought that forward.
Syd: Ya, so one of the strategies that I’ve done while I am in a space with you, and I am seeing you do that and I can see what my old trigger would be, which would be to go to my mind. I would go to my headspace and let the thoughts become my perception of life. In those moments one of my strategies, which is a strategy I created on my own that I have pulled into what I use when I am around other people. It’s listening to my energy and then feeling. For me, rather than let my mind pull me down a cycle of thoughts that doesn’t feel good, I consciously create thoughts that are very Spirit driven. I will say to myself in my mind, “feel yourself grounded, you are safe”. Then I literally breathe deeply and I feel myself grounded in my own energy. Then whatever else I need, maybe you are having a tough day and your energy is low, I will call in a guard and put up a protective shield to guard myself in the moment. Maybe if I want to feel the high vibes, I’ll call in an animal. There are so many different things I will do, but ultimately I am not letting my mind take over and control.
Ang: Ya, you are taking over and controlling your mind.
Syd: Which is exactly, I don’t know if you remember, but I believe it was either in October or November of 2022, one of my check in episodes was about how I am no longer triggered in family gatherings. One of the things I shared in that episode was how family gatherings in the past, especially Christmas gatherings with my family in Calgary, I would be in my mind. I was in my mind thinking about everything and that perception that my mind created is what would pull me under and make me feel terrible. I have learned that my mind is not always my friend. Sometimes my thoughts and my perception on life are not supportive. What can I do to lead myself forward from a supportive space? I can remember that I know what it feels like to be connected to my Spirit. I know what it feels like and I know my Spirit guides me from that compassionate, loving space. So I tap into that and then I can create conscious thoughts that uplift me and make me feel good. That is what I have cultivated in 2022, practicing that slowing down and practicing it on my own. Now I am like, let’s go. Not just that I am ready to be more social, because I am. But also with my business and everything. That is what I was meaning at the beginning when I said I feel myself moving into a new cycle. I feel like I really have wrapped up a growth cycle, I have created so much growth because I slowed down and really integrated all the lessons I’ve learned in the past 5 years. Now I can tell that change is happening, I’ve gotten some really exciting news in my family in the last couple of days.
Ang: Oh my gosh, so exciting!
Syd: So 2023 is filled with excitement, family, and love which is really great. On a personal level and a professional level, I have ideas on what I want to accomplish, where I want to go and what I want to experience. I also know that the Universe has a plan far greater than any plan I could create, so there is a lot of unknown. I think one of the breakthroughs I had with you recently when we were having a personal conversation, was that I felt fear come forward. I learned that it actually wasn’t fear that came forward, I simply felt uncomfortable and that uncomfortable feeling triggered the fear. I feel uncomfortable because there is so much unknown in my life. I don’t know what the future holds for me and that is kind of uncomfortable. What I am trying to do as I move forward is remember, I know myself. I know who I want to be. I know who I came here to be. I know my energy. Let that be my guide as I continue to move forward one day at a time, one step at a time.
Ang: I love that. I want to touch base on what you said earlier because it makes a lot of sense with the things that I have been moving through in my life, but I want to reiterate for the listeners because it’s been sticking in my mind since you said it. You said sometimes your mind isn't always your friend. How you just finished after you explained yourself, this is how you bring yourself back into better feeling thoughts essentially. You are doing that by shifting your perception of your mind. Your mind is your friend, it’s just your mind at that point was in control over you and now you are in control over it. I’ve been on this journey of self love and appreciation and self-discovery within myself and I’m noticing that a lot of things that I have been grateful for where things outside of me. One of the things I am changing is how I can be grateful for the things within me. One of them is that my mind is so powerful. I am grateful that I have a powerful mind and that I know how powerful it is. When you said your mind is not your friend, it’s at that moment. It’s the feeling in that moment, but with all the strategies and new learnings and teachings that you’ve been able to discover for yourself, you are also realizing that it is your friend, you just need to look at it slightly differently in order to get what you are needing to get from it. Rather than looking at it as a shitty part of your life. I am in this place of wanting to accept all of the things, so I am just wording it slightly differently mainly for our listeners. I don’t know if that thought stuck out for you.
Syd: Ya I understand what you're saying. Maybe I am going to explain what I mean by it so it makes more sense and I hope we can align. When I say my mind is not my friend, when I think of a friend, at least how I desire to have a connection with a friend, is my friend is always going to uplift me and help me to believe in the impossible. They will remind me of how much goodness I bring into the world. My mind doesn’t always do that. The reason why is because my mind is afraid. My mind believes that I am not safe. So in that ego space, your ego lives off of survival and a lot of my thought patterns and the way that I’ve been conditioned, the beliefs I’ve been brought up to carry, come from survival mode. So, my mind says, “oh my gosh that’s not safe”. The thought patterns can sound like it’s tearing me down. It’s not because I’m not actually safe, it’s just because my mind believes that I am not safe and my mind wants me to stay safe. My mind is going to try and keep me in my comfort zone. But my comfort zone is not where the impossible happens, it’s not where I exceed my expectations, it’s not where I go out and I try things that are uncomfortable. I agree with you, my mind is powerful, and there is a lot of good that can come from my mind. When I say that my mind is not my friend, I am not saying fuck my mind, I hate my mind. I am saying my mind is not always my friend, so I have to be wary of what it’s trying to tell me. I have to check in and ask myself if it’s telling me things because it believes I’m not safe, or is it telling me something because I am excited and creating something expansive.
Ang: So I am going to sit here and say wouldn’t that be a friend? Wouldn’t a friend allow you to hold this sense of space and compassion for you to see yourself in a much more beautiful light.
Syd: That’s not what my mind does though.
Ang: No, but you are speaking to your mind saying hey I do want to be uplifted, I do want to be supported, this is what I am going to do.
Syd: That’s my Spirit. That’s not my mind saying that. That is my conscious Spirit saying that to my mind.
Ang: Mmmmmm. I see what you are saying.
Syd: My mind says, “you are not enough, you have done enough, you are not taking enough action”. This is me recognizing that I am not my mind, I listen to my mind. My mind has a beautiful part in how it supports me. My mind is extremely powerful. My mind allows me to be logical. My mind allows me to be analytical. My mind allows me to gather information. But my mind is not always my friend. My Spirit is the one who loves all. My soul says, we are all beautiful and we are all loving and we are all amazing and we are all going to make it through. But sometimes the thoughts that my mind creates tears me down. That is when I tap back into my Spirit. I almost consider my mind at times my inner child, so when I hear those thoughts of “you’re not good enough, you’re not doing the things, you’re not going to be enough”. This is when I come into Spirit and I say, “Oh my gosh little Sydney, I know you are scared, I know you are really scared right now”. I wrap her up in a hug and I say, “it’s okay we are going to get through this”. My Spirit is my friend, my spirit is what reminds my mind, we are safe it’s going to be okay.
Ang: Okay, so where does ego lie in this? Because how you were explaining it made me think that you believed your mind is your ego. When ego wants to come forward and it wants to fight and the defensive mode, your mind is as your saying is not super supportive. You are saying your Spirit is the one that is super supportive and super kind. I feel like we are definitely jumping into the deep end with this, but at the same token I am kind of glad that we are because I think it’s important to dissect all parts of you and all parts of us. There are going to be parts that we love and that we don’t love, but we need to create a place and a space to accept it all. Where I was trying to understand is why you thought your mind was not powerful. Your Spirit is then speaking to your mind, your Spirit is the one saying all is well, all is well. You are speaking to your inner child. Where does ego lie in that? What part of your body does your ego reside in?
Syd: My mind. I believe ego is in my mind.
Ang: Okay so you are saying your ego, and your inner child is both in your mind.
Syd: In a sense yes. I just want to reiterate, I didn’t say I believed my mind is not powerful. I believe my mind is very powerful.
Ang: Oh, if I said that I didn’t mean that.
Syd: When I say my mind is not my friend. I am not saying my mind is my enemy.
Ang: Ya ya ya.
Syd: There is love there. There is 100% love there for my mind. It’s just the conscious state of my mind is where the ego resides.
Ang: Okay.
Syd: So that is where, what wolf are you going to feed? Are you going to feed the one that tears you down and makes you feel bad for yourself? Are you going to feed the one that is self-criticising, self-judgmental, shameful and guilt driven? Or are you going to feed the wolf that is your spirit, the one that loves all, the one that wants to bring peace into everything, the one that wants to live in a loving, peaceful, collective state? My Spirit says we are all one, let’s do this together. My ego thoughts in my mind says, “I am better than everyone” or “I am lesser than everyone”. Pride and power. So I’ve learned how my mind can trigger me and sometimes I think I can fall into auto-pilot of letting my mind be my experience and control how I experience life. The more often that I connect with my Spirit on a daily basis, which is very much a feeling. I feel Spirit. When I allow that feeling to come in, and guide me, then I am allowing Spirit to guide the thoughts I create. It’s just remembering that whatever thoughts are going on in my mind, I am the one listening to those thoughts, I am not those thoughts. I do not identify with those thoughts, so when I am tapped into Spirit and I am feeling good and leading myself with support, I am letting the thoughts be filled with support. It’s this game of recognizing, my mind is not always my friend, sometimes it’s leading me from a space of fear and recognizing what those thought patterns are, how it becomes triggered and guiding myself back into that spirit driven state of how I feel. Where my energy is at and bringing love back into the equation.
Ang: I love this. I love this because I feel a lot more like I understand you, which is great. At the same token I still disagree with you. My mind is my friend. We are all entitled to that. I think with the journey that you are on, I want to pause the convo on that because I wanted to bring it back to how you are showing up in 2023. You say you are moving into this new cycle. It makes sense that we had to have this discussion the way that we did because you are able to showcase that even if there is a difference in opinions. We talked about being in other people's energy, you are still able to stand in your ground and say, “no, this is me, this is who I am choosing to be, and this is how I am choosing to continue to move forwards' '. Taking that little mini conversation we just had, while also bringing it back into this new cycle, where do you see this new cycle guiding you in a way that is going to help you show up differently in your day to day?
Syd: I think it really is coming back to soul truths. In what you just said in how we are having differing opinions, I think ultimately for me and my understanding of spirituality, we are all on our own individual paths. Spirituality really is about understanding who you are and not letting the world tell you who you are and not letting someone else’s opinions or values dictate who you are. Ultimately on this path, we are learning our soul truths. What I just explained might be your soul truth, versus what’s my soul truth. Like you said, it doesn't matter because you are living your life and I am living my life. The whole idea is that I am choosing to tap into myself and bring that forward as a guide. Going into 2023, really what is leading me and guiding me, is living from my soul truth. As a people pleaser I have lived my entire life based on other people's opinions and placing other peoples values ahead of mine. So now it’s what are my soul truths, what are my opinions, what are my values. I can disagree with someone and that is okay because they are living their life and I am living my life. With this what I am bringing into my personal and professional life is giving everyone the grace to honour their soul truths. Truth isn’t that this is what’s right for everyone. I think our society has lived for so long that there is one truth. Fuck it. Why does there have to be one truth?
Ang: So essentially this is the tip of the iceberg of the new cycle.
Syd: Ya.
Ang: This very strong foundation in who you are in and around other energies. I am just going to keep it at that.
Syd: Exactly.
Ang: You have been so disciplined to discover yourself to such a level of depthness that not many people get to experience in even their lifetime. You are sitting here, early 30’s, saying I got this. Which is first of all, super amazing. I know you know that, but I want you to know that not only as your co-host, but also as your best friend, that is freaking phenomenal dude. I think that is a very important power to hold for yourself. For you to now bring this into a new cycle it’s like “holy shit” because no matter what comes your way, as you talk about your soul truth, you know what your soul truth is. When that new cycle comes about, you are so solidified in who you are, but also able to recognize whatever energy that comes that is new to you or different even, you are going to be able to still find yourself in all the differences and new. You will still be able to create the best supportive life that is meant for you because you know that soul driven purpose of yourself in who you are, who you want to become and how you move through new things coming up in your life.
Syd: Ya, and continue to grow and gain new lessons and expand with new experiences. It really is coming back to myself and giving myself permission to be myself!
Ang: I love it!
Syd: Ya! Amazing. Thank you so much! I really appreciate the space to share and reflect.
Ang: No, thank you! I am so glad that we are able to still have a discussion, obviously this whole conversation is about me understanding you. For our listeners to better understand you and the things you are currently moving through in your life. It just goes to show that we all have our own perceptions on how people live their life. It’s also amazing to hear that whatever new things are going on in your life, you are still able to hold your truth in a way that is so authentic to yourself and still find grace and compassion. Ya! It’s amazing! Thank you for sharing all the things and for being able to have a difference of opinions in that one little thing we chatted about in the whole conversation today. It just goes to show that the work is needed.
Syd: And when you are having a conversation with someone and they say something that is not what you mean, be willing to continue the discussion. Don’t get angry at each other…
Ang: Don’t become closed off.
Syd: Ya exactly. Just say, this is actually what I mean. Through that you have a greater insight into what I am meaning and I have a greater insight into why you perceived what I said in the way you perceived it. I am getting an insight into you.
Ang: Exactly!
Syd: Beautiful!
Ang: I love check ins because you never know where
Syd: Where it’s going to go.
Ang: This is so fun.
Syd: Thank you so much to the listener for choosing to press play and listen to this episode. I hope you were able to take something away from my check in and what I am moving through in my life. I really hope you enjoy where the conversation took us. Don’t forget to come back next week because we are sharing the expert episodes. We’ve got Ang in her fitness expertise and I am excited to see what she will share with us. Then the week after we will have myself and my spiritual expertise.
For now we are going to leave you with love, light, courage and the willingness to reflect. Take some time to reflect. Reflect on yourself and maybe get into a deep conversation with one of your friends about their perspective versus your perspective. Not one wins, one loses, just to understand. That is it for you guys, thanks again and we will chat at you next week.
Ang: Bye!