Polite People Pleaser Becomes Empowered | Soul Healing Journey Entry 6
Journaling is how I process through my shadow self, heal past pain, understand my emotions, and create soul healing. Since December 2021 I had been struggling with a difficult situation around my finances and buying a new vehicle. At the beginning of February of 2022 I had manifested this new vehicle in a beautifully divine way. But, I still had to acknowledge all the healing work I had moved through.
As a recovering people pleaser I’ve been learning how my behaviours and habits are rooted in outdated patterns that don’t serve me. Whenever fear comes forward for me it usually triggers people pleasing tendencies in different ways. This particular situation with my vehicle was very much about overcoming my fear so I wouldn’t react from polite people pleasing tendencies, but instead lead myself by feeling empowered.
The day I was to drive to the dealership with my Dad to finalize the purchase of this vehicle is the day I sat at my laptop and journaled. I could feel an anxiousness rising within me, which is typically followed by worry and doubt. I didn’t want to arrive at the dealership already feeling anxious. I didn’t want to people please my way through the process of this purchase, I wanted to feel empowered to make the best decisions for me. So, I needed to process what I was feeling.
This is how I processed…
Journal Entry from February 2022
As a recovering people pleaser I am constantly uncovering different patterns and ways I’ve been conditioned that are blocking me from owning my power.
I’m currently in the process of getting a new-to-me vehicle, otherwise known as a pre-owned vehicle. I have a lot of fears and outdated patterns that don’t support me when it comes to dealing with vehicles and men “in power”. Over the last several months I’ve acknowledged a lot of my past wounds in this aspect of my life and I can see how this wound is triggered in different experiences. My fear of making a mistake, my fear of sharing my opinion when I am not experienced or have little knowledge, and most importantly my fear of standing my ground against a man who is older than me, which I would perceive as a man who has power over me.
I am so thankful to have a dad that is extremely wise and experienced in terms of vehicles, 45 years of experience working in the car industry to be exact. I had an opportunity a couple months ago with my mom and dad where I was able to talk through the position I have currently found myself in. I was able to feel supported when my fears were trying to control me. I was able to feel safe when my fears were trying to tell me otherwise.
Breaking away from old patterns and past conditioning is a process and it starts with putting yourself in a supportive situation that is triggering and allowing yourself to feel through the pain you’ve been holding onto. Often patterns persist because we ignore and deny the pain that is buried within us. Our fear then seems a lot worse in our mind than if we were to actually move through the uncomfortable pain of our emotions.
Having this moment with my parents allowed me to be uncomfortable, feel the pain of my emotions and come out the otherside feeling seen and understood in a supportive environment. This experience helped me to recognize that the fear I built up in my mind was so much worse than actually moving through the emotions.
Now where do I go from here? Well, breaking away from an old pattern isn’t done simply because I’ve felt the pain. I needed to take action from a new energy in order to prove to myself that I have grown. In my case the action looks like contacting different dealerships and starting the process of getting a new vehicle. If I had simply relied on my dad to do all the work for me then I would be repeating the pattern of letting my fear control how I move through life.
This time around I involved my dad in the process, rather than feeling like I had to do it all on my own. I started the process by connecting with the dealership, looking at a vehicle and even test driving it. When it came time to sign a contract and talk about money I could feel my fear urging my ego to run. I sat in the chair of the sales manager’s office and I was 100% frozen. I am grateful for the fact that the manager was extremely kind, he made me laugh numerous times, and I felt connected to him through our conversation. But, I could feel my fear creating resistance around the contract signing and money conversation.
This is where I rewire the pattern and I find a supportive behaviour for myself to move forward with. This is where the growth occurs. I was open and honest with the sales manager in saying that I don't have the knowledge and experience to feel comfortable buying this vehicle based on my own decision. I would need my dad to be my wise ears and eyes in order to help me through the process. I explained my dad’s experience with vehicles and specifically with the vehicle make I was looking at. The sales manager was extremely kind and said with a deposit they could hold the vehicle for me until my dad was able to arrive. If my dad said, no way, then they would refund the deposit and we would be on our way.
Having this insurance was everything I needed. Will I ever have the knowledge and experience to buy a vehicle all on my own? Maybe, maybe not. But what I can do in order to overcome my fear of making a mistake, sharing my opinion and not having the knowledge to back me up, and standing my ground is by having a team willing to support me in the process.
Journaling always shifts my perspective and supports me in healing. This is how I step into my Higher Self.
Life is not meant to be experienced alone.
We aren’t meant to do everything all by ourselves.
We are meant to ask for help.
We are meant to learn from people who are more knowledgeable than us.
We are allowed to make mistakes and learn from them.
We are allowed to share our opinions with an open mind, no matter how much knowledge we have, as long as we are open to gaining more knowledge in the process.
Most importantly, we are supposed to stand our ground with how we feel, no matter who is on the other side.
My people pleasing tendency in this aspect of my life has shown up in the past which resulted in me signing a contract for a vehicle when I had little knowledge because I was afraid of asking for help and looking silly for the little knowledge I did have. Who am I to tell a car salesperson that the price is too high for a particular vehicle when I have no knowledge to back me up? I wouldn’t even know that the price is too high.
The point of all of this is about recognizing how I have grown, how I have broken free from old patterns of fear and people pleasing conditioning, and more importantly how I’m allowed to ask for help and receive support when I feel inexperienced with something.
There is a song from Taylor Swift called Marjorie, and I really resonate with the lyrics of this song because it connects to my grandmother Marjorie, who I never met. My entire family who knew grandma Marjorie before she passed away would agree that this song is a great representation of her. As I sat and prepared to head into the dealership with my dad the song started playing. It says, “never be so kind you forget to be clever… never be so polite you forget your power…” and these are the messages that Grandma is passing onto me today.
I am learning from my previous experiences and I am gaining more knowledge to help me through this current experience. I don’t need to people please my way through buying a vehicle. I am allowed to stand my ground with my needs and desires. I am allowed to ask for help from someone wiser so my kindness doesn’t outweigh my cleverness. I see the old triggers and fears and know that I am allowed to stand in my power instead of letting my politeness overrule the situation.
I’m not saying that I won’t be kind and I won’t be polite. I’m simply saying that I can find harmony between being kind and clever, just as I can create harmony between being polite and remembering my power.
This is the day that I leave my old fears behind.
This is the day where I stand in my power, step out of my comfort zone and feel supported in the process.
This is the day that I grow into a whole new version of me.
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Looking back a few months later, I did change that day. I felt empowered to trust myself and live outside my comfort zone.
I manifested the perfect vehicle for me and I felt supported throughout the entire buying process.
Being kind and pilot is nice, but not at the cost of your own values, opinions, emotions, and experience.
As a polite people pleaser I have been recovering & healing from these outdated patterns and in the process I have become empowered!
Until next time, sending love & light on your spiritual journey,
Sydney Smith
Founder of Adventuring with Poseidon Wellness
