The Questions I'm Pondering | Over-Thinker to Curious Mind
Are you an overthinker or do you simply have a curious mind? Through self-reflection we can better understand ourselves, the thoughts filtering through our minds, and how we perceive the world.
In this blog I am sharing a journal entry of mine that I wrote in a moment of feeling overwhelmed with thoughts and the not knowing of my next steps in life. This journal entry shows a glimpse into my own thoughts, the questions I’ve been pondering and how I’ve shifted my perspective in a healthy and supportive way.
My hope with sharing these thoughts is that you feel seen in your own over-thinking, question filled mind, and you are inspired to grab your journal for your own reflection. I also hope that my shift in perspective can help you see life and yourself in a new way.
Journal Entry…
It’s not that I feel lost… it’s that I feel deflated. Purposeless. Or really, I guess I feel confused about my purpose and I feel uninspired about how to live with purpose.
There are days where I just want to sit. Be still. Take in the beauty of the world around me. Consume content that makes me feel something.
I don’t want to take action, hustle, create, or show up in the world. It feels like too much effort to go and build something. I just want to be a witness to life… rather than actively partake in life.
I don’t know. Does that even make sense?
It feels like being an active participant in life is too much right now. But I also don’t want to be a passive player, allowing things to happen to me. It’s almost as if I’d rather be flying above it all and just watching life unfold for others, like I’m a visitor trying to take in the meaning of life for others.
Can I be witness to you and your choices? I want to understand why your life is unfolding in the way it is. I want to decipher the lessons that are in front of you.
But then other days I just want to sit in my peaceful contentment, watching the world go round.
It’s weird. I’ve always been a procrastinator. I’ve always put things off to the last minute, whether it be school projects or making plans. Is it that I am a procrastinator? Or is it that I don’t feel inspired to take action?
What am I meant to do?
Where am I meant to go?
Who am I meant to be?
How am I meant to create it all?
I have all the questions.
Maybe that’s the point. I can ask all the questions, and I’m just supposed to keep flowing down the path, allowing space for the answers and clarity to find me in divine timing.
What is life?
What are we supposed to be doing?
Is there any one path?
Or is it all a constant journey of deciphering as we go?
I am here.
Then I am there.
Often I feel as if I am nowhere.
We can choose to journey through the confines of our own mind until the end of time. But I think we are here to remember to open our minds and see what life has to teach us through the exploration of the present moment.
It’s not the question of “who am I” that I need to ponder. It’s the question of “how is this present moment making me feel and what can I do to lead myself in the direction of feeling worthy, the direction of feeling better, the direction of feeling of which I desire”. Or maybe more simply, I’m meant to find acceptance for however I feel in this passing moment, which is how the moment passes into the next. Once I’ve accepted how I feel, I can then shift forward into creating a moment filled with the feeling of which I desire.
What has this world made me to become? How can I shed the pressures of this world and remember to live from the peace of my soul?
KEEP READING FOR MORE OF MY REFLECTIVE JOURNAL ENTRY
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Back to the blog - The Questions I’m Pondering
I’m beginning to realize that I will forever have questions. Questions about myself, about my path and purpose, and about what I’m meant to do and create in this lifetime. I don’t think my journey is about needing to discover a concrete answer that will forever be my truth. Rather, I’m meant to explore what feels right for me in each moment and to have grace for myself in the unknowing.
Really, the majority of us just don’t know.
We don’t know where we are meant to go, who we are meant to become, or what we are meant to be doing.
This is the unknown and I think it often leads us to be terrified. It feels as if we do not have security, safety, nor stability in the spaces of the unknowns.
The truth of the matter is, we are here to learn to be curious in our own explorations through the unknown. Discover, examine, shift your perspectives, find what works and what doesn’t work, learn to comfort yourself in healthy manners, and choose to lead with curiosity through the unfoldment of your life.
I enjoy this. This kind of pondering. This idea of reflection and better understanding the thoughts that filter through my mind. The act of writing them down, putting pen to paper (or really finger to key) makes me feel clearer already. It’s a weird thing, feeling this sense of purpose in the pondering of questions. Maybe that’s what I am here for right now, to allow the flow of thoughts to lead me in better understanding myself and this world we live in.
I ask for a sign from the Universe. I see a giraffe and I know what it means. Clarity.
What I make of the next moment is where I place an emphasis. It’s as if I have decided that my actions are the root of feeling purposeful and the creations I share with the world are the basis of my worthiness.
The world and society have told me since I was a child that my effort, my actions, and the work I do is what makes me successful. It is only then that I can feel fulfilled and purposeful.
But what if it’s the action portion that is filled with unknowns for me?
I don’t know which action I am meant to be taking.
I don’t trust myself in that action.
I don’t feel motivated, nor inspired to take that action.
Which leaves me feeling forced and filled with pressure around taking action.
The masculine.
I’m seeing it more clearly.
I’m focused on the masculine energy of action.
Do something to feel something.
Do something to be someone.
Create something to feel needed.
Build something to be successful.
Masculine to feminine.
What if that is not my path? What if my gift of intuition, healing, and sensitivity to feeling is my purpose?
Feel.
Intuit the messages.
Express the ponderings.
Be open to the path unfolding before you.
For your femininity is your purpose. Allow it to guide you through the ebbs and flow of inspiration, confusion, curiosity, understanding, feeling and receiving.
The femininity within us is sharing the truth of who each of us are, individually. The way you feel matters, make space for those feelings. The intuitive nudges and knowings you receive are guiding you forwards, trust those inklings as they appear. The deep soul desire within you to flow with life is the curiosity of your human, allow the clarity to find you.
There is no set plan for the entirety of your life. At least not one you are meant to create.
Giving space to the questions in your mind allows you to see more clearly. It’s okay to have questions without knowing the answers quite yet.
The need to know within you is the pain of your masculine energy not feeling safe without a strategy or plan. Call in the power of your feminine energy to soothe you, to give space to express your feelings, and to be witness to the intuitive feelings that are guiding you into the next step of your life.
These are the ponderings moving through me today.
I hope these thoughts mirror your own ponderings back to you and show you that you are not alone in the questions that may be weighing on you. I encourage you to grab your journal and write whatever is filling your mind, and simply watch yourself understand yourself better… even if it leaves you with more questions than when you started.
Until next time, forever holding space for your spiritual journey,
Sydney Smith
Spiritual Mentor
Founder of Adventuring with Poseidon Wellness
